Big decision

I was talking to my husband on the phone earlier about how overwhelmed I'm feeling in my life right now. I just feel like there are always a million things on my to-do list everyday, and I can never get them all done. I know, a lot of people feel this way. But for some reason, I just feel completely incapable to handle it all. Even just all of the little daily things that I'm sure most people can handle (like waking up when the alarm goes off and getting to work on time!) I find to be difficult. I'm constantly exhausted and stressed out, and it's robbing me of the joy I should be finding in my life. On top of that, DH and I barely spend any quality time together right now as it is, because our evenings are so busy with our "to-do's". We still have a lot to do to get our house organized since moving in a couple of months ago, and that's causing a big feeling of unrest. Plus, I have a lot of resolutions that I'm trying to tackle in this new year. I don't feel like I need to have them done persay, but I at least need to be at a place where they've become habit and part of my daily routine.

So, that being said, we made the hard decision to pause our TTC activities. We're not going to be preventing though. I guess that means we'll still be TTC, just not actively, if that makes any sense. I think I'm still going to chart my temp (just so when I get pregnant, I'll have that month's chart to refer back to), but just not obsess over it anymore. It's become such a time waster for me (constantly checking similar charts, posting on message boards, surfing websites for info about TTC, heck, even creating this blog!). I hate to admit it (because I actually really do enjoy charting and all of this new knowledge that I've gained), but it's made the whole process a lot less fun, which I know it's supposed to be!

We figure that this way, we'll know that when it happen it will be in God's perfect timing because it's going to be out of our hands and we won't be trying to force it to happen. I'm still disappointed, even though I think this is the right decision for us right now. I mean, I still really want to have a baby. But I just don't think I'm ready at this exact moment in my life (meaning, today. this week. this month). Emotionally, I know I'm ready. I love being a stepmom and I can't wait to start having babies. I even feel like we're at a good place in our lives logistically - we're married, we both have good jobs, we just bought a house with room for more kids, etc. I just feel like I need to gain some control and order in my life first. Am I making any sense? I know that life is just going to get even crazier when there is a new baby in the family. I guess I just need to feel like I have my own life under control before we bring a whole new life into this world that I need to take care of in addition to my own.